Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
