im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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