she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
