I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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