U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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