you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
