I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
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