Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
