Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
