it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
