Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
