the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
