STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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