I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
