Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
