Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
