hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
