and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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