dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
