your thong is hanging out like whoa
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
