At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
