But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
