just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
