once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
