Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
