i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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