I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
