so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
