I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
