Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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