careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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