Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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