You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
