yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
i think im in europe. pls send help
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
