Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
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