I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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