why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
