using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
