I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
