yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Two words: blizzard sex
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
