It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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