Non-Jews are for practice
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
God gave him joint rollers for hands
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
