They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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