dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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