beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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