He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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