We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
