he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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