If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
