Your dad touched me again.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
