I swear she didn't look like that last week.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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