just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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