Will you blow on my dice?
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
