best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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