STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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