I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
