He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I pour the whiskey from now on
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
