You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Randomize
