So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
