Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
