he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
