the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
