So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
